Lab, my father dissociates into a Monster ( dissociative rage). His eyes cahnge. I still terrifies me and has caused so much abuse that I have a dissociative issue now. He is not my bio dad, but married my mom before I was born.
My mom tried to starve me in infancy ( body memory) and threw me into a lake to safe herself or make dad mad (details not completely clear yet) and she or dad attacked me and almost killed me as a toddler ( working on this one now).
They both used drugs and alcohol and seemed more concerned about themselves thatn the little "burden" they were raising.
All my grandparents were alcoholics.
My bio dad found me when I was 14, was in my life for 2 yrs then dissappeared until after my mother passed away. He found me then adn had 2 sisters ( grown) with him when he arrived, unannounced, to my home. He was in my life for about three months then gone again. He was an alcoholic too.
My sibblings did not call me when bio dad passed. I was googling to get a current number and try to call him again. I found his Obit, almost a year after he ahd passed.
All of this caused a "splintering" of my personalitiy. I know of four. One has been banned. She no longer resides here. I am more accepting adn aware of Jeanie now. She is the one that never speaks. She holds the memories. We are working on the time we were taken to my grandfather ( Dr) bloody and near death. I have body memories of this and a feeling that the "impact" caused a "shatter" and an "explosion". It is still a puzzle...was it glass? or me?
I comfort my little ones when they cry. There is an infant and a small girl.
I ahve black out adn memory lapse. Much of my life is blank. I am learnign to see how things fit together adn learning to integrate.
I do not know if this helps any at all, but it is my story.