I'm so pissed right now. I'm so frustrated. I hate myself. I want to be able to express feelings and actually feel them. I had a crappy session with my T this morning. I can only imagine how frustrated she must be with me. I can intelectualize all day long about what I think about things but can never allow myself to feel. There is a disconnect. My heart and head are in two different places and never shall the two meet. If I could reach into my chest and rip these feelings out I would.

I'm sooooooooooooooo sick of being shut off from feelings. I've been stuffing them for 38years and I'm done. So done.