I had a crappy session today.

I brought in pages of my journal to share with my T. They were printed off from an on line journal that I sent her a link to a couple of days ago. I told her I brought some copies as I didn't know if she had time to print them off etc... She looked surprised and said that she would have remembered receiving them. I told her that perhaps they are in her spam/junk mail folder. It was hard to talk about some of my journal entries with her so they will be discussed at my next appt. In addition to that there was something else I wanted to talk about and I chickened out (refer to my Hug post).

In addition to that I'm extremely frustrated and angry with myself for not opening up to her. I can't even open up to myself . I'm afraid my T is getting frustrated with me. She told me that talking about things doesn't seem to be working for me in getting in touch with my emotions. I can intellectualize all day long and when any emotions come up I stuff it down and turn it off. It's almost like I'm on autopilot when this happens and I'm getting really tired of it. I want to move forward and this is holding me back in life.

The one good suggestion that came out of it was to paint my feelings. Thanks for listening.