Dear Poseygurl,

Thanks for your kind words. I appreciate that you know where I am.

I'm thinking that I probably shouldn't ask for help on these boards because my replies generally do seem to be of the same vein . . .that is "work on your marriage. Invest your efforts with your wife!'

Wise words, but without writing a book, all I can tell everyone is that I HAVE DONE THAT for many years. We've gone to counseling and just when the therapist begins to focus on my wife's up-bringing she leaves . . .claiming that she's being picked on. This has happened 3 times!

My wife and I actually do talk and she knows my unhappiness, but rather than ever looking inside herself she blames me for my own unhappiness claiming she's be the most wonderful partner any man could ever want IF I just alleviated her daily stress with some more money . . .maybe to the tune of an additional $50,000 to $100,000 a year on top of what I earn now! THEN, she'd be this stress free woman who could smile and be affectionate and tak of other thing srather than the next purchase, and yes, be more sexually intimate with me.

Of course I know that her plan would never work.

See, Posey, there was something lovable in both of you that you guys chose to share with another person, rather than with each other. That says something to me. There another sideline to my story that I don't have time for right now, but suffice to say that my wife has NO friends and cannot keep any new ones she makes. Her zero self-esteem and false pride ruin EVERY relationship she gets into, and had a large part in the ending of ANY relationship I could have had with this other woman (that is, she claimed she might have been willing to stay in a couple friendship with us IF the basis of the friendship became her and my WIFE! And my wife couldn't maintain that)

Many of you seem to be pointing to ending my marriage, and if there is no improvement in the next 16 years, I'll do that. But my children must be grown first.

We can talk about the pro's and con's of divorce on another post, but quickly I'll say "you're damned if you do, damned if you don't" and by staying I see my wonderful children EVERY night. That's better than the alternative . . . .as much as I ache for a loving relationship with a woman who can love me back.

Thanks

MMF