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Sep 04, 2010, 11:40 AM
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Member Since: Aug 2009
Location: Fringes of the bell-shaped curve
Posts: 779
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   (((((dps))))) The truth is, you have already saved yourself - you have surrounded yourself with people who love and advocate for you - protect you in the present reality. But what you are doing now is rescuing those within, and those within are reaching out to you - wanting you to create a safe place for them so they can come out of hiding. What you were prevented from learning by your abusers is how to respond to the fears and pain being expressed by those within.
Their emotions being expressed through you in your present reality are not linked to your present reality. Those within are expressing their pain and fear from those past horrors and are telling you what they needed then but could not get from those who abused them then - they needed to be loved, comforted, consoled, protected - they needed to feel safe, secure, accepted, cherished, valued, and respected.
You had no model, so were prevented from learning how to give yourself what you and those within needed and still need. As a result, you continue to look outside of yourself to others to provide for what you and those within still need - to feel/be safe - and reaching out to others triggers that conditioned response of guilt and shame. You ARE safe, dps - and now you must assure those within that they are safe, as well. When those within express their emotions through you, I know the intensity is overwhelming and the tendency is to step back from them or become paralyzed by them - to want to hide from them.
But they continue to scream their pain and fear because they are not getting what they needed then and what they need now. You must EMBRACE them - let them run to the safety of your open arms, gather them up and hold them close, comfort and console them, tell them its alright for them to feel as they do, reassure them that they are safe now and that everything is going to be okay - be the mother to those within that they never had - be the mother to those within you that you have been to your own children. It's not about what your abusers said they/you did or did not deserve, it's about what they/you NEED - what all of us NEED - to be loved, cherished, accepted, valued, and respected. And no one, dps, is better qualified for that job than you becaues no one knows better than you what those within have suffered. Your Friend lynn09
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"I walked a mile with Pleasure; she chattered all the way, But left me none the wiser for all she had to say. I walked a mile with Sorrow and ne'er a word said she; But oh, the things I learned from her when Sorrow walked with me!"
(Robert Browning Hamilton; "Along The Road")
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