It is now Saturday morning about 1:30. We are doing better the Dalmatians are less afraid of being hurt again and we are starting to talk with other people in the complex. … … The people here are alright most are calm and are just young families. We enjoy the kids the most we sit and just watch them play. The kids here are safe and secure. Which is what is helping us so much to feel safe here.
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We got told that we are nesting. We put up the things that we had after we washed the walls. There are a couple of place that help new home owners with stuff so we are going to them too. The apartment is feeling more like a home to us. WE got something on almost every wall and shelving space. Our dream is if one of our friends with video comes over that we can put it up here on pc world this is the first home that we had with all utilities in a long time so to us it is something to brag about .
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We are still looking for certain things for our special needs alters but just the fact that we have something for almost each group is making it easier for the different groups when they come forward it is not such a shock for them being in an apartment and not being hurt is something that we have not had since the early 90’s. It feels weird but so far we don’t think we had any more loud moments from server traumatized alters coming to the surface.
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… … There have been a couple of people that we talked with that we are still dealing with the emotions that we have near them. They are the ones that helped us get back together or recover from present abuse but did not give us shelter from it. We finely told one person that “ You honestly believe that all the good you did concealed out the pain of the times that we were hurt by your negative choices? Your wrong! It only made the pain we felt from those choice even more painful for the simple fact you let us know by them that you only cared conditionally. “ … …
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It has only been in the last year that we can count on our hands the people that stood by us and helped worked through our fear of abuse. Where the T community just said that we were in a manic or drug induced paranoid state. These men and women saw us for what we really are and started to give us what we needed to heal. This apartment is the true changing point for us. It gave us a chance to find safety with people that truly did not have the need to use our pain against us and helped us heal.
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Our pastor was also a big help for he let us have pastoral counseling when we need to talk in a safe manner. He is a war vet so he understood where we came from without going into all the bad details we were able to stay in the emotions instead of the gory details which allowed those with in a chance to voice our fears with out exposing to much. He is going to our T appointments with us until we can find safety for all of us with the T we have. That is one of the terms of us keeping the apartment is having a T so we hope he is able to go with us until we all feel safe with her. We told her that we need to feel like she is able to accept us for what we are not what the past T wanted us to be for the sake of ??? Oh well we hope this one is truly different and will give us the help we need to get back on soc. Security and most of all a service animal so we no longer have to depend on other people to keep us safe. We hope a dog will help cut down our public panic attacks … …
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We are just taking it day by day and hope that those around us will take us for who we really are instead of the rumors that Lies A Lot put out about us. Just the fact that we are able to make the apartment a home for all of us is a big difference. We were reading about the medicine of the turtle and we got some insight about ourselves. For the last ten years we tried to prove ourselves to being able to do things but those that could not accept us out numbered us. So in a way for ten years we have been swimming up river. Now that we finely accept the fact that as long as there are people that enjoy using our fear against us just to prove that we are not able to do things. We are no longer fighting this current we are finding a way that we can find a few people that will accept us and still provide for our basic needs. So today we are walking with Mother Turtle and hoping that all with in will learn from here wisdom. Now that we are learning to stay in our so called “Proper Place” we are hoping that the abuse will subside and that we are able to enjoy the next couple of years with our son before he moves on. and  from all of us.
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Sometimes the only way to find freedom is to fight for it, even unto death! Because no form of abuse transcends pass it! To live free and with hope is still the greatest gift of life!- anderson .gif "Boy Angel")
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