(((((Belle))))))

I am a bit wasted today so not much energy to say much right now but wanted to offer you a big hug.

The thing that does jump out at me reading your post is the importance of staying in the moment. The story of your recovery.... I know... old news.... but it is still valid.

You are protecting your heart to your own peril. One way or another you are going to have to just let things unfold as they unfold with out needing to know what comes next.

Maybe you are not ready for a committed relationship. Have you really thought through what it is Belle wants from a relationship with Louis. You spend a lot of time trying to figure out what Louis wants, reading between lines to figure out what he says he wants, observing behaviours and wondering if you can believe him or not but what about Belle? Maybe make a list if that helps you focus on you alone.

His work schedule certainly would challenges any relationship and with your baggage it is like a triple wammy to try to find some stability. It definately makes it that much harder. It gives you way too much time to think while he is away. Maybe it is too much for you. Maybe it is asking too much of you. It can't be good for you to be left feeling like you are dangling in the air by yourself.... waiting, wondering, worrying.

Decide if this is going to work for you. Maybe it has good too far to fast. Maybe you need to be dating more than one guy. Maybe you need to take a break from dating all together.

I am not saying what you should or shouldn't do but I am encouraging you to take a step back and ask yourself if you really are ready for this. It just seems to me that if you were ready then you would be more comfortable just taking it as it comes. Enjoying the feelings and enjoying him without looking so far ahead. I get why you worry and I am so sorry having to deal with all these emotions.

I wish I knew how to ease your confusion. I wish you were having more fun instead of having to deal with all these questions and doubts.

Wishing you well.