WOW! I loved your post. Because you are describing how I feel like over fifty percent of the time, and pretty much sums up my feelings towards my life and my anxiety disorder and everything. What I can say is that is does get better with time. That there is an upside to being a person who feels intensely, other than horrible awkward shyness. That there is a reason I think that we feel this way. And that I think people like us are special.
I have always been very good one on one with people, very empathic, a good listener, good insight...but put me in a crowd, new social situation, or watch me getting humiliated by my peers and it can be a painful thing to watch. I just have no defense. I know I need to toughen up, but...I choose to protect myself from situations that overwhelm me, and I am happy to find that I have grown more self-confident as I grow older. In my twenties, I was mortified. In my thirties, I was ashamed. Now, I am sometimes overwhelmed but have some excellent coping skills and navigate my way through the social anxiety by choosing whom I hang with and if I feel comfortable with them, etc. I made alot of poor decisions as a kid, and even more as an adult. Is my new balance just the result of time and experience? Yup, I think it is. I hope you know that no thought you have about yourself, the embarrassment, the self-doubting, etc. defines you as a person. You are free to define yourself, and boost yourself up, and be your own best friend (even when i have PMS and pizza face and an extra ten pounds!). Keep on posting, girl.