MMF: I am so sorry for all the pain you are feeling. I know you think it is best for your kids if you stay with your wife until they are grown, but that is not always the case. You are miserable right now and your kids will definitely sense that. I think everyone on this board is just trying to help and it seems that your 2 best options are to either try to work it out with your wife or get divorced. I think you are going to choose the 3rd option which is to stay together. I guess the real question is whether this is truly best for your kids and your relationship with your kids. I know you are hesitant to seek therapy, but this may really help you figure things out. Your T will not be judging you, but you may be judging yourself. Although I don't condone having an affair, having one certainly does not make you a bad person at all. It is not as though you are a womanizer and had multiple affairs. I think anyone would understand why you did what you did and what you have been through and are going through. Please think about seeing someone as it could really help you get through this whatever your decision is. Good luck.