Well, like I said this morning, I've been thinking of you and your situation.
First of all....you should commend yourself for getting the help you need regardless of your families "issues" with that. It is of no importance when it comes to your well-being. Please continue to take your meds and remember that good calm space you had reached before your cousin got a hold of you. It sounds to me like a lot of responsibility is placed on your shoulders and that can be tiresome and exhausting and this can lead to the "why me".
I can't ignore that comment. I understand that it's difficult not to feel that way. I'd be lieing if I said I haven't done that too. The important thing you must remember is that your are NOT a victim here. You are a living, breathing human being just like your cousin, Grandmother, mother and whoever else is showing you such disrespect. But what it comes down to is this...you are not less than they are, you are not less important than they are, you don't deserve any less than they do. I'm not really sure exactly how to put exactly what I want to say at this point except to say...ppl treat us how we ALLOW them to treat us. If you don't stand up for yourself and demand the respect that you deserve than your conditioning them to treat you this way and get exactly what they want of you and from you. You are NOT a victim here. You have a voice, USE IT. Set boundaries. But the other side of this is that you too have to treat others the way you would like them to treat you.
In my opinion, you internalize what your family say and do to you then you express those emotions by harming yourself because you know no other way to release your deep emotional pain, frustration and despair. This is not uncommon, but that doesn't make it okay. I realize that I'm a hopeless optimist and my expectation of others in this area can be too high...but if you can grasp even the tiniest thread of the life line we're all tring to give you here...we'll help you from circling the drain....but you must reach out and grasp it. This is a choice only you can make. You are not powerless. There is always a glimmer of hope somewhere inside of us all...look within, you'll find it. Those of us that have read your plite here see that glimmer of hope in you. Those of us here who care about your hurt see it in you. Our intention is to inspire you to find it in yourself too. I'm not going to take the focus of you except to say that I in the last few days I quite literally have been to hell and back and then lost my grip and fell back in again...that glimmer of hope allowed me to pick myself right back up, get a grip and climb back out of this hell, only this time...that much wiser about the pitfalls along the way. We learn and grow from experience. Learn from these trials and tribulations to avoid them in the future. Yes, there will be others, but you'll learn from them too and pretty soon you'll be a pro at recognizing those land minds and avoid them as a stronger, wiser and healthier woman.
Even now, you have something to offer. Just responding to this difficulty of yours right now...you've allowed me the opportunity of self reflection and therefore, growth.
I can't say that I "know" what I've said here is what you needed right here in this moment...but maybe, sometime down the road, these words of inspiration will give you just that...inspiration. You can be and do whatever you want to be and whatever you want to do. Make it happen.
Thinking of you.
TgrsPurr, xo.