Quote:
I hate love. Maybe this is why it scares me so much. Deep down inside I feel like i am so messed up and that love brings this messed up part of me, which i usually keep hidden, to the fore. 
The messed up part of me that is depressed.
The messed up part of me that is on meds.
The messed up part of me that feels I will not go anywhere in life.
The destructive messed up part of me that wishes I didn't exist.
The messed up part of me that doesnt know what I want from life.
|
did u just pluck that out of my head? i feel the same way. my boyfriend just broke up with me 2 weeks ago and i'm back to square one. struggling cuz i still want to be with him. but it's true, u do need to work on u first. i thought i had worked on me, but it wasn't enough yet. too many unhealthy habits still kicking around that cause distruction when it comes to relationships.
Quote:
|
Something tells me that we all just want to be accepted: foibles and all.
|
so true. just want some one to love us no matter what. everyone in the world is just trying to get by and be accepted. we just want to feel like we belong. we feel so separate from everyone when we suffer. but the best thing my mom ever said to me was "we're all a part of the walking wounded" everyone's got their pains, their sufferings, their secrets, their heartaches.
hang in there. learn how to love yourself on your own. all of you. i say this still trying to do just that. one thing that has helped me immensly was getting a favourite picture of myself as a little girl (i'm 4 in the one i chose) and when i start to talk negatively to myself i look at that little girl (she sits on my computer desk) and ask myself "would you say those things to that little girl?" and the answer is no. i wouldn't. and that little girl is me. you gotta be kind to yourself. be gentle and caring. cuz we are all just scared little kids on the inside.
the other thing i did, just last night infact (and i cannot believe how much lighter i feel now) was picture everything i'm feeling-all my sadness and worries and stress and anger and hate and fear, everything- and imagined that that little girl was feeling those things. and i asked myself how i would console her. and i imagined it and wrote it down andi observed how i felt how i felt in my body and what i was thinking. and i just kept on consoling her until she felt safe and she felt better. cuz you have to be your own best friend. and after knowing that for years, this is the first time i've understood how to do that. or at least what seems to work for me.
i hope this helps in some way, if none other than knowing that we are all walking with you among the rest of the wounded.
