hey Jen,

I'm sorry for everything you are going through and feeling. i only read your postings so i'm not sure what others have said. u were saying u weren't sure why u were feeling this way, and that u have a new place and a new car. i'm wondering if u are scared of these things? that although u want them and they are good things, maybe u are scared for that independence because u aren't used to it? scared u will mess it up? i'm not sure, i could be way off. just thought i'd ask and see if it struck anything for u.
obviously i don't know what your memories are of, and i'm sure if they are evoking such a response in you that they are unpleasant. but it's important to work through them. going to see your therapist and working through it. sounds like u are taking the right steps to get through it. and i know when u get so close to certain wounds in yourself it is really frightening to feel that way again and re-live that pain. but it's necessary for healing. have u heard of EMDR? ask your T about it. i've done it before and it's a great tool for taking the emotional response out of painful memories. maybe that will help u work through it better?

i hope u are well! xoxo