its not possible to live with the fear of dying and aging

its not anymore because this has gotten too intense and infested every single second and every single thought

I am paralyzed by fear

I am terrified with my kids

can you believe it????

I am terrified to take care of them to raise them to do the littlest things for them

my mother cares for them when they are with us

i abandoned them

every noise, light, movement everything disturbs and agitates me

I have so much terror that all I want to do is nothing and just take sedatives, sleep and wait for death because I am convinced 100% it is going to happen very soon

my abuser won, he destroyed me completely forever, he won

I killed myself building a life for us and he destroyed everything for me

I have too much terror of dying soon