Rainbow, you are doing what you need to do to learn how to give yourself what you need in the long run. Your H is only seeing things from his POV. And that is not your reality - it never can be.

Your NEEDs about these things are real. There is something that is missing that you feel. Your T is trained and sounds like a wonderful fit! T is showing you how to feel what is missing and showing you what it feels like to have that need met. After you know what that feels like, T will show you how you meet that need yourself.

My T is having me read a book you might really gain from: Emotional Sobriety by Tian Dayton. Amazon has it on sale too! But it talks about these things. I am still reading the book, but have been floored by how much it explains what I didn't understand. A big part of it is the role a parent plays in teaching a baby what it feels like to be safe and calm.

Example:
Baby gets upset hearing a loud bang - baby is unable to regulate emotions
Mom or dad pick baby up and rock baby to calm - parent regulates emotions for baby
Baby feels calm again - baby feels that being rocked calmed emotions
Baby is sleeping and a bang wakes her up - baby starts to shake
Baby remembers feeling of being rocked calmed her last time
Baby rocks back and forth simulating the body memory of being rocked by parents
Baby feels better and can go back to sleep.
(( Baby has learned a self-soothing tool ))

I think this may help you out a bit. Big hugs!