I can understand your perspective a little, AmanTravelling.

I held similar thoughts a couple of years ago in my world. I thought that the world would be much better off without me ~ especially my family. That I was holding them down, being such a huge burden in their lives. I recall the intense emotion very well.

What I could not forsee was beginning to come out of that funk with my kids. To hear them say that they love me ~ without someone telling them to do so. Without me saying it first. That high of mine occurred about a week ago. What a high it was too! I could not have predicted that would occur. as when I was in my low, I was absolutely convinced that no one could love me. If I heard it from someone, I became angry & immediately presumed that they were full of beans. But now that I have worked years to win back my girls' attention & respect (and it has not been easy!), I can see that they truly mean it. With that, I cannot hurt my girls by causing more pain. They've endured too much already.

I'm not done re-building my life, as you can see. I still have strong feelings against myself. Maybe I always will ~ I don't know. But I am working to re-build.

I'd recommend that you start with re-building yourself as well. You may need to start with hospitalization. Or, maybe a new med is the beginning for you. Please do see a doc today though. You need help to get through the misery.

Very best wishes for you!