Hi Wisewoman,

I have chronic depersonalization disorder that shows up when I am highly stressed. It's a very scary feeling,(a form of dissociation) as if you are sitting in the back seat of the car watching yourself drive. Sometimes it manifests itself in distorted body images like my hands will become huge and there is no convincing me that they aren't. I am always amazed that the other person can't see how one ankle is three times the size of the other one. Or sometimes the outside world doesn't seem real, and there is a film of Saran Wrap between me and reality. But mostly it's me who feels made of plastic. It's like you are the shadow to yourself.

Symptoms of Depersonalization Disorder:

Loss or change of feeling in body parts:

A feeling of numbness in one or more body parts. Loss of sensation, as though the body part does not belong or has become detached from the rest of the body. There might be little response to pain or other sensations, a defense that would be healthy and useful during an accident or life-threatening situation, but unhealthy and harmful during everyday life.

Distorted perceptions of your body:

A sense that parts of the body are changing in size or shape, or that your body is shrinking. A feeling that certain body parts do not seem to belong or appear fake or plastic. There might be a sense that specific body parts have been transplanted from other areas or even from other people.

Invisibility:

You may feel invisible or transparent, and that others are not able to see you. You may feel as though you blend in with the environment, or are moving at a different speed than those around you.

Not recognizing yourself in the mirror or in photographs:
Being unable to recognize yourself or feeling unfamiliar with the person looking back at you when you look into a mirror. Feeling that your reflection belongs to someone else, or to you at a different age than you are now.

Detachment from your emotions:

A lack of emotional response or an inability to feel certain emotions is not uncommon. You may feel cut off from your emotions or unable to access them at the appropriate times. There may be a sense that your feelings are dulled or flat, or that they are stored away somewhere deep inside of you. Many people these days feel the need to push their emotions aside when at work, just as they feel it necessary to leave their "work self" at the office before going home in the evening. If you are suffering from depersonalization you might feel that your emotions are no longer within reach, and do not return even when you want or need them to.

Feelings of unreality or of being a robot:

A sense that you are functioning automatically or on auto-pilot, or that something or someone else is controlling your thoughts, feelings, or actions. Many people experience a feeling of being unreal, or like an actor in a movie. You may have the thought that you are just "going through the motions" of life, or that there is no emotional connection to your actions and no thought behind anything you do.

Floating or out-of-body experiences:

You may feel as though you are hovering over your body or outside of yourself. You may have the experience of watching yourself from a distance, or of standing on the sidelines commenting on or even criticizing your own performance.