I know I am very depressed and I am taking it out on everyone. Lots of anger at everything and everyone. At home I feel nearly detached from my family. If I look in their eyes I see anxiety for what I may say to them . I hide a lot by reading. At work, I feel nearly out of control. I recently accepted a new position but it will be several weeks before I will start it. I feel I am hanging on by my fingernails. I have a job many dream of, but the reality is, it is life and death and all that comes with both. Very, very stressful, at which I usually handle very well. I see my co workers are nearly fed up with me, but still I behave badly, using angry words and tones of voice, trying to hurt as I am hurting.

I have stayed in a marriage I don't belong in. My husband was verbally and physically abusive in the early years, now just verbally. He cannot handle me disagreeing with him. I am disgusted with him and myself for staying for so long. I feel stuck as we still have 2 children at home, one with autism who would not handle a separation or divorce well at all. I feel so stuck, so I make him pay in little ways every day. I feel I have wasted my youth with him, which sounds so 1950's, it nearly makes me laugh at myself. Once in a great while I think of trying to make it better but then he is cruel and I know it can't possibly work.

Ok enough whining for today.