Been wishing there was a forum for limited self-pity... but since there's not, although this could go in Relationships, I'm going to post here.

Been wrestling with myself about whether to post or not, but seems I'm worrying a lot of people and not giving enough information. Here goes... bear with me.

About a month or so ago, I lost my primary insurance because the man I'm married to (don't feel like giving him the honor of "Husband" right now) didn't pay for it. We're without till January. We're both without medical care AND without our anti-depressants.

Since that time, my granddaughter had a birthday. Her parents are even more broke than I am so I offered to make the cake. My granddaughter later called and asked me to make her a "strawberry Barbie cake." Said I would, kept my promise.

Her parents apparently didn't trust me to do a good job. The "other grandma" bought one. However, I had spent money on a mold and several mixes (in case of failure), prepared rolled fondant icing, flower cutters, fresh strawberries, etc. Wound up spending close to $100.

I was asked by her parents to come early and finish the cake there. We didn't arrive until after the party started but I don't drive! "He" was driving, also playing on the computer after the time we should have left. *I* got the "blame" for being late and not having the cake finished.

When we got to the party, my granddaughter met me at the door of the RV (that we had taken for a smoother ride for the cake) and said that her grandma had made her a cake. Can't remember how she phrased not wanting or needing the one I made.

I raised my voice in pain and surprise but NEVER yelled AT her! I asked WHY, asked her to look at her Barbie but she wouldn't even do that. She just kept saying that her grandma had MADE her her cake.

I was LIVID but NOT with my granddaughter. I, in a very loud voice, told my husband and son what had just happened and expressed my upset. Hubby wanted to just come back home. We stayed and I finished the cake. Never saw the one that the "grandma" was supposed to have "made." I was told it was a simple, store bought one.

My granddaughter was sick that day, so I attributed her lack of affection with me to that. She would hardly let me touch her or cuddle when hubby took a picture of her and I with the "blankie" I had made her... at HER request last August. She wouldn't kiss me good-bye. Ok... I don't force anything from anyone.

The next day, I realized that I should have NOT been as expressive with my surprise about the cake, so I expressly called Autumn and told her I had been wrong in raising my voice in her precense, I was terribly sorry and would she please forgive me. She said "Yes."

The next Saturday, hubby was told by Autumn's mother that Autumn didn't want me at her soccer game because I had yelled at her on her birthday. I tried to call my DIL right back but she didn't answer her phone.

I've tried to communicate with my son but he won't accept my emails or phone calls. He spent the biggest part of the day here last week and never said one single word to me. That's fine. I didn't want to talk to him either, because:

he's accused me of verbally attacking his daughter
causing problems between him and his wife
coming between him and his dad
making his dad chose between his granddaughter and I (Jerry didn't go to the soccer game, either, because "if you're not welcome, then neither am I") Last week, Jerry changed his mind and will be going to the game this Saturday. Didn't ask if I wanted to go with him or not.

Yesterday, I went to the County Mental Health Clinic to see if I could be put back on Celexa somehow. I was told it would be TWO months before I could see a doctor.

Last night, Jerry (hubby) told me he was tired of the fighting between DIL and I and was ready to just move to Las Vegas so he wouldn't have to deal with any of it.

This morning I told him how utterly rediculous everything had gotten, IMO. Mentioned that I should have thrown the cake out the door and let the dogs eat it, that everything had gotten blown up so out of proportion it was unreal.

He STILL hasn't heard my requests for two very small adjustments to some drawers so I can begin to put my clothes and crafts away in my room. Instead, he's putting shelves up in his room so he can display his CA Raisins, Fractured Fairy Tales characters and various and sundry toys in HIS room.

There is STILL no tub or shower in the bathroom. There is STILL no sidewalk next to the house so I can drive my power chair up or down the ramp... as in "in and out of the house"... "some freedom and independence."

In my "SHEEEESH" thread... it was just me being emotional because of my lack of anti-depressants. Not to worry, anyone.

So there you have it. Hope it wasn't too long.