Had a craptastic session today to quote someone else here on PC. I shut down in my appt today and then sent an email to T about it.

Holy!!!

This could be the end of seeing my therapist

email to T:

Dear T,
I’m writing to express my feelings as I seem to freeze when I’m in your presence at an appointment. I can hit the send button and I don’t have to be in your presence when you are reading this. While in an appointment I freeze and ‘shut down’ if you will as I’m afraid of what you will think of me (when I do talk I find that I say not allot or say the bare minimum). There are things I have in my head that I don’t say because I’m afraid of what you’ll think of me. I don’t want to need you for help. I hate feeling so damn needy. I question what you really think of me as I do everyone in my life. I ask my husband: Do you really love me? Is it just about being intimate/having sex (for the rare times it happens) that matters to you or do you really love me? I feel like how can anyone love/like me if I don’t feel like I love/accept myself.

I’m afraid. I’m feeling like I’m stuck. Today I felt like I didn’t want to do any ‘work’ so I sat mostly silent and bs my way through the session.

Well I’m going to hit the send button now before I change my mind.

I hope I’m not your only weird client and that you will continue working with me after you read this (If I where you I know I wouldn’t feel comfortable with me being weird and all by sending this email). I’m taking a risk. Here it goes…….

- Geez

PS – no need to respond if you wish not to. I’m just ‘putting it out there’. Yikes!