Best of luck to you. I think you have to look out for yourself, get the help you need for yourself and let the rest come as you work through it. I wish I had the perfect answer. Being BPD myself, I know it can be hard to live or help someone with BPD. I've seen my husband struggle. I will say it takes work and dedication to be with some with BPD if they are in the midst of it and not getting help. Help yourself first.