I had a nice long talk about this with my T this morning.

We talked about the difference between pushing away and letting go, and how it feels (to both of us) like I am not pushing this away but just accepting that I cannot change it. I am hurt over my sister betraying my confidence, and worried that my ex will tell my kids or say something in front of them, but I really think I'm pretty much ok about it all.

I told my T, it's like...this happened (everyone finding out) and it created this huge whirlpool and my initial reaction was to jump right in and start calling everyone and just get mixed up in it all, and then I realized, I don't have to. I can just stay out of the water and let them all flail around in the whirlpool if they want to. I'll just sit up here on the bank and mind my business, with my T and my friends and my kids and all of you wonderful people

In some ways, choosing NOT to react was the only option I had that let me truly take my power back. I thought about what someone said here a long time ago, that it's only a crisis if I choose to make it a crisis. I thought about what my T has said about taking a minute to ask myself, What is true for me in this moment?