wow, is this a common theme around here this time of year or what?


I saw my T today for the last time before her vacation. I'm only missing one session, I'll see her again week after next, and I know some of you have Ts that are taking/have taken much longer breaks, but it still FEELS like a long time from now.

I gave her a little gift, just something I made, at the end of our session. I told her to have a good trip, and that I'll miss her. And I WILL miss her, but I feel okay. In a way I'm getting a vacation too, a vacation from the hard work of trauma processing. And I know I can come here for support as much or as little as I need to. We really do carry each other here.

wepow, I want to tell you that I mentioned you to my T today (not by name or anything, of course). I told her that one of my online friends said that if I really let myself feel this stuff, REALLY feel it, I only have to do that once and then it will be done. Thank you so much for sharing that with me and all of us. It has helped me so much, because I'm really in the thick of it now and I'm working SO HARD to let myself feel whatever it is, to not push it down or hide from it. And the only thing that gets me through is knowing that I won't have to keep feeling this forever.

I've noticed that I'm not dissociating as much during sessions anymore. That happened really gradually, but somehow it happened. Today we were talking about some really hard stuff and it was really hitting me, the images and the sounds and the physical sensations. And I did kind of freak out (putting my hands over my face, shaking, not being able to think of words to say) but I didn't check out the way I used to.

When I notice things like that I realize that I really am healing. I'm not done and I have a long way to go still, but I'm getting there.