Hi Sarah

I've pretended well today.
There hasn't been a huge amount of space to be "real". I have ticked some jobs off my list (some marking, some housework and organising the car repairs) and took the girls over to see a friend.

I think I have realised that i can keep up the pretence pretty well. The problem comes when I have a chance to not pretend - like with my counsellor, my GP or my pastor's wife. Then it seems to fall to bits. I can't work out whether it is best to let things fall apart for that space or whether I should avoid those situations and keep up the appearance that I am coping. Or maybe I am just being very selfish in letting myself go to pieces when the opportunity arises. I really don't know.

So "How are you doing today" depends where you ask me.

Shula sent an email to my counsellor last night. We have never done that before, though we have let her see journal entries by several of us. It's a bit scary having done it - I don't know how she will respond.

How are you?

It seems quiet round here today. That is scary too.

Caroline