(((((jexa))))))
I see so much of me in your words. I do the same thing, avoid feelings by doing xyz whatever it is, a million made-up things (like cleaning the inside of the vacuum!), just to feel like I'm doing *something*.

I also know that feeling where you notice that something that you THINK should hurt (or feel good, or whatever) just feels like...nothing. Like a mouthful of lukewarm water, exactly!

I'm sorry the other T hasn't written you back yet. This whole situation is just so $hitty and I'm so sorry you have to go through this, but I think you really are doing okay. I'm not trying to minimize what you're going through, at all, and I know you wish you were doing more or coping in different ways, but really. Look at where you were a couple weeks ago with the SI, and look where you are now. That IS progress. That IS coping. It's not perfect, but that' because you're stuck in an imperfect situation and are working so hard to use the skills you have to get through it. It's messy and it's crappy but YOU ARE GETTING THROUGH IT.