Today T and I talked about my feelings about my last session. I don't think she saw that part of my patten before. Like I told her, a picture is worth 1000 words. She said the highs I feel are too high, which makes the middles seem like lows. She doesn't think I'm weird but said she won't do the tapping anymore.

I looked at her, did not close my eyes at all, even when discussing physical stuff. She commented on my fidgeting, and we talked about how that distracts me from feeling. So I tried not to fidget. We talked about my husband too.

We talked a little about how it's her job, but she still cares about me. I got upset that she's holding my hand to help me, but it's really just her job. I was thinking about the threads here, including my own, on that subject. I started feeling really bad about therapy. I did hold her hand (I asked) and that felt okay, but I still felt yukky.

So, it was hard to get my car to leave the parking lot. Really hard. The middles really do feel like lows. Of course, I got home and emailed her already. She doesn't know why I reacted the way I did last week, but it's all part of what we're working on.

Now I feel like I don't want to get the matching bears for her and me. I know she cares, but now I see her as T and not anyone else. It's reality hitting me in the face! It's the high to the low. Oh, WHY does therapy have to hurt me so much?