yearning and vision go hand in hand
in my heart and soul
I am grateful but
it's a longing and there is no fixing
there is listening and responding
each cares and hopes
shall we ever stand before each other
with our outer faces
meeting your inner fragments and parts
you meeting mine
it is all to much to comprehend
I know, it can never be for some of us
but it is a yearning deeper than
should be allowed to be felt
a reaching for belonging
acceptance
affirmation
vulnerable, knowing you inwardly more
than my own mother knew me
more than my own sisters
or brothers knew me
but never seeing your face
never knowing that on the other side
of your words, my words
there is a human being
with toes, fingers, ears and eyes
this would be too much to ask for
but I will ask anyway
you cannot alleviate my desire
by requiring me to say this
computer is enough
anyway if it came true
it would never be
as grand as the anticipation
I expect
at times you look like gods to me
and goddesses
like how we never see God we just know,
if you believe it, that he exists
your words to me and I
expect a few of mine create
this god illusion
there is no fixing it
it is just an old lady's dream
if the heart can be touched
by such understanding
through words alone
why then does it feel so lonely
here
I never would take you
for granted, not intentionally
and I know that you are
real and you are clothed in
real skin
this machine is the divider
and maybe it is better this way
this machine is fixable when it
breaks down and I don't know
that I always am
especially to meet the
needs
*sigh*
don't long for me, okay
or try to fix it, okay
or be offended, okay
it is not a judgement
it is a realization
it is because there is always
more
and I can ask for more
and say it
sorry I don't know
how to calm every fear
or make you believe
that I am not disappointed
with you because I am not
but only I need to state
what is for me a unmet
unfelt need, maybe even a
selfish want
the site, the machine I
am grateful for
but mostly
mostly, above a mostly
forever and ever and ever
I am grateful for each
of you and I don't
ever want to say I'm sorry
for wanting to meet your
real eyes and arms and
shake your real hand
and if brave enough shake
your real hand
and even if brave enough
shake your real hands.