So is there a point to life anymore?

I have T tomorrow and I so don't want to go. i don't even know what to say. I thought about writing something to my T but i don't even know how to start. I can't stand myself anymore. I thought I was ok when I came home, actually I was ok for 2 days maybe, and now am back down again. Didn't last very long this time.

Thinking I am not going to get better anymore. maybe I am not supposed to do or maybe I don't want to, but when I think about that, I do want to get better, but it's not working. I try to be open, I want to say things to my T about how bad I hurt, but then it's to hard to say it...I don't know anymore.

Thinking is there a point to going to T anymore, taking meds anymore? I don't know...I can't make a simple decision right now. I don't know why that happens or what it means.

I should be happy right? I have a nice place to live and a vehicle now. I have things that have wanted for a while and am on my own...isn't that enough? Why am I so selfish?

Jen