Ok. But if I say ANYTHING that either hurts or offends you, PLEASE PM me immediately and I'll edit. Ok?

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The person that I'm the most annoyed at in this situation is Jerry, I have to say.

Can I make an attempt to look at this from your son/DIL's point of view?
1) you were late to the party
2) you caused a scene
3) you had gone off your medication abruptly... you know how dangerous it can be and the moodiness it can cause

I would have hoped that Jerry would have been more supportive to you in light of the above. OF COURSE you're having problems with your DIL, under those circumstances! Why does he think you shouldn't be upset about it?

But, who knows what really went on with the other grandma and the cake... I would be more likely to assume that she really wanted to be the cake provider and less likely to assume that they didn't trust you. The "not trusting you to do a good job" part seems like oversensitivity, from my point of view.

I'm GLAD that you did NOT throw the cake on the floor, Tomi! That would have been a rotten response to a situation that didn't have to turn sour. It also would have set a terrible example for your granddaughter -- sort of like "break something if things don't go your way".

And what are you doing spending $100 on a cake? Tomi, I'm only pointing this out because it reminds me so much of the resentment I have towards my MIL, when I loaned her a couple of thousand bucks to move out here, only to have her move away again less than a year later. We should not be spending money we don't have on other people. REASON: because it will cause us to be HUGELY resentful of them if they don't react according to our expectations. WE have control over whether we get resentful... by not doing things for other people if we expect gratefulness in return.

I'm so sorry about the cake. I think that the most rewarding thing you could have done is driven directly to a women's shelter and given it to them.