Hi Vicki

I have the same with friends except for my pastor's wife. But I know me being sad makes her sad too and I'm not sure I should keep doing that. But she says she wants me to be real with her. I can tell my GP how things really are but I won't see him till Tuesday. I won't see my counsellor for a week now and I wish I had made an appointment to see her sooner but it is really hard with work cos she only does two days and only has one evening slot. The one I have had is an early evening slot but that is the same nighta s our staff meetings. It's hard.

In a way I am not sure whether I can choose whether I fall apart or not. Well, I can a bit but when things really build up I really fall apart in my safe places and then it gets really really scary. I ahve only done taht once.

I wish you had a place too. Coudl we make one here? I know it isn;t the same as a real place, but maybe we could build a "falling apart" place here where we could just let it all out and not worry aobut upsetting or disappointing anyone?

Caroline