Had a nice weekend at home. I really love long drives that I can take by myself (it's about six hours between here and there). I had a lot of fun and worked some things through in my head, which is always a good thing.
But now I'm back at school and... I dunno, I just feel like I'm going through such a huge transition period right now, and I don't know if being at home for the weekend helped or hindered that transition. I've been living at school for over a year now, so when I went home and saw all the places I used to hang out, or go to eat, or visit friends, I kind of felt like that wasn't my world anymore. My bedroom at my mom's house isn't even a bedroom anymore. It's where she keeps all of her miscellaneous stuff, and dirty laundry. But that's not what's bothering me; I know my mom isn't trying to push me away. We still talk on the phone almost daily. But seeing my old high school and malls and things was just very strange. And at the same time I'm beginning to feel as though I'm outgrowing my little college town. I've realized that what I really want to do with my life, I won't be able to do here. I feel like I'm being ushered out the door into adulthood and maturity, and after I graduate in May, I have no idea what's going to happen in my life. I don't want to move back home, because I've kind of "Been there, done that." And I can't stay here, as much as I love this area and the people I've met here.
All of this chaos is giving me strong urges. I haven't acted on anything yet, but I also haven't actively tried to talk myself out of doing anything.
The girl I mentioned before, the other SIer... she seems to be becoming a bigger part of my life, now that we are friends and she goes to the same school I do, and is also in the same program as I am. We have one class together. She asked me to braid her hair yesterday, which I did, but when she went for a rubber band in her purse, she accidentally knocked open her "box of secrets" as she calls it. All I saw was gauze, but I put the pieces together pretty quick. I didn't say anything, because... well, it's obviously a sensitive topic, and I don't want to trigger her, but she has consistently been a trigger for me. I hate to blame my problems on other people, because it's not her fault that I am weak around her. She's a really fun person, and I'd like to be able to hang out with her without getting those urges, but... I don't know. Like I said, transitions.
I'll check in later on. Thanks for reading.