Quote:
Originally Posted by tryingtobeme
Thanks Lynn, Blueoctober, and Payne1 I know it's not the way. Part of me wants to do it to punish those around me that have abused me, but then they win. I just feel really helpless right now. I do have T that I can call. Some of this is because of ending therapy, to much pressure to be who I should be, friend that has cancer on top of that...just to much garabage and bad feelings. I want them to just end or go away for awhile. The pills and alcohol only work for awhile. Then I need more. I'm so lost and confused right now.
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This is the BPD talking.
Impulsiveness.
Substance abuse.
Suicidality that increases when a relationship ends.
Somehow you have to find it within yourself to realize that this problem you have is TEMPORARY. aka, do not give into the symptom of impulsiveness which is based in the moment, rather than looking at things long-term.
Substance Abuse: recognize that it only covers your emotions, rather than helps you to cope with them. You may feel bad, but it is better for your mental/emotional well being if you face/deal with these emotions head-on.
Suicidality around an ending of a relationship. I know you're in pain, but you arent being abandoned. Other people will come into your life. Life is an ever-revolving door of people that walk in and out of your life. Some people stay more than others, but they all leave handprints on our heart. They remain with us always and affect who we are today/will be tomorrow. The best way you could honor your therapist is to continue with treatment and take what he has taught you to heart.
Be strong, even when you feel weak.
Dont let your disorder get the best of you! I urge you to fight against it's manifestations in your life.