granite, thanks so very much for your hugs.

peaches, I know we've been in this struggle "together" for many years now. It's very meaningful to me that you see something I hadn't realized. You're right. In past therapies, I spent my energy on obsessing about the T, not knowing that was a defense against feeling my deep, hurt, and true feelings.

This time I'm facing my feelings directly. No wonder it's so hard and painful. My T stops me each time I try to intellectualize or push them away! I love your analogy about thawing out what was frozen my whole life. That's correct too. I didn't let anyone SEE what was hurt in side of me, especially not my parents.

My T is nurturing me. You're right about that too. I know she can't be a Mom; it's hard not to want that kind of love, though.

Thanks so much for this reply, Peaches.