All my life, I've been dealing with this constant pain and sadness in my heart.

I can remember as far back as 4 year old, I was sitting in the corner, I had stopped playing with my barbies for a while and I started to feel extremely sad. I even remember screaming that, I wish I was dead.

Things in my life have not been easy through out the years. and now I am at a point where, enough is enough. I want it to end. I want the pain to fade. I constantly have nightmares. Some nights I force myself to not sleep because of them.

Things that people want and look foward to like, family and friends and having children. They Do nothing for me. I still honestly believe they can survive and be ok if i was not here.

When I was 13 I was raped by an older man and I got pregnant.
I love my daughter, even though she is a constant reminder of the pain, humilation, and stress of that whole deal. But I am sick of her seeing me so misreable. I believe she might be better off if I was just not in her life at all.

I need help, I have tried medication but it did not help. I have even tried finding God or something, but God never spoke to me I guess.

I just need some advice. I don't know what else to say... I am just, misreable.