Hello & Welcome, PerpetuallySadDolly!
- Childhood depression
- Violent trauma
- Imposed parenthood while yet a young teenager
That's certainly a recipe for significant personal misery. And medications (so far?) have failed to give you relief.
How "safe" do you feel? Are you in immediate danger of possibly doing yourself harm? If so, please call for crisis help.
You are far more important than anything you are feeling.
As you look around PsychCentral you'll encounter all sorts of experiences and advice. I hope some of it speaks to you.
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My dog
mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.