((((((((((((((WePow)))))))))))))))))

It's so painful when we need something from T and they can't give it to us for whatever reason. SO painful, and I really do think it can make us question the therapy relationship, whether or not they "really" care, all of that.

A few months ago, I was in a really low spot and I really wanted T to call. I think I said something on his voice mail like "i wish you would just call me"...and he didn't call. I was SO hurt and upset, because I knew he knew what I wanted and needed and he wasn't giving it to me because I wasn't following his rule exactly (clearly asking for him to call).

When I went to my next session I was so angry. We talked about it, and T joked that I was saying "If you REALLY loved me, you would call me!". I didn't think it was funny. It actually took the rest of that session AND a couple of phone calls to work through it, but we did.

It actually really WAS a painful lesson for me. I have to ask for what I need. T isn't going to just give it to me without me asking. (I'm not saying at all "it's your fault"...just saying, yeah, I have been there too, and it sucks)

I think the thing that was difficult for me to grasp at the time, because I was in so much pain, is that the fact that those boundaries exist with T doesn't mean that T's caring isn't real. BOTH can be true. T can have strict boundaries around phone calls AND he can love and care for me. T can not call because I didn't ask AND he can feel concerned about how I'm doing.

I'm REALLY sorry that work is so yucky and that you had such a hard night. That new power inside of yourself is still there...none of this can take that away. Be gentle with you and try to trust that you will make it to the other side of this, because you will.

And go see T next week.