Thank you again, Oceanwave. The last time someone told me to trust them it was T - and I am not too sure if that was a good thing for me to do. I don't blame T at all, I blame myself. I feel too messed up to be in this life but can't remove myself from it. So I am left to try to figure out how to work through it. My blood pressure was sky high last night and my chest hurt and burned and it burned all night and still today. It is bad to say but I know heart disease runs in both families and the females on my mom's side have died from it. So I think maybe I will get lucky and just croak. They say that being on a helpdesk is a high risk factor due to the stress. I have done this for 10 yrs now. A part of me does not want that to happen, but another part of me does. I have angina anyway but no medication for it. I really hate it that life can become this messed up for people. But it is life.