thank you all for helping me get through last night. It's not just my T being gone, which is hard enough, but all the other stuff going on with my extended family right now, it's kind of overwhelming.

but I did sleep, and I do feel better. I feel tired and wrung out and sad, but not desperately sad like last night.

I just keep reminding myself that I have everything I need within myself. If I continue to feel like I don't exist except in the presence of someone else, I'll never get better and I'll never feel truly happy. So I'm spending a lot of time just breathing and feeling my breath and trying to love myself. Also thinking of all the things I have, all the positives in my life, instead of the emptiness and the things I've lost or never had in the first place.