lonely and scared, what you are experiencing/feeling is real. you are doing what i used to call "vomiting" all the pain, hurt, loss out of you. afterwards with the help of your counsellor the burden will be lighter because you let it out. i'm glad you are willing to do this cause eventually you will feel better because you are willing to take this risk. it's scary but go through the fear. it will strengthen you. so many times we hold all that stuff inside and it eats away at us many times creating depression.sending a hug your way . it's like carrying around a heavy sack. you are lightening the load. that's a healthy thing to do even tho right now it may seem overwhelming to you. talk with your counsellor about how this makes you feel. that will help you too.