i had a similiar problem with this. what i found worked well for me was if i let go and spouted out, i'd stop in midsentence and say, "i take that back." course the other person-my target-had no idea why i said that...doesn't matter anywhooo... it seemed to restructure my response to anger and rarely do i have to say "i take that back" anymore...my mind automatically stops the urge to lash out. then the new way of responding had to be formed. i found expressing my wants or needs seemed to work. sometimes tho i when i feel that anger rising i just look at the person. saying nothing.
i think we often are just seeking validation from the other person. usually i can quickly determine if that person would be receptive to how i feel. if they wouldn't get it anyway that's when i just don't say anything...it drives them crazy cause they are trying to get a response.
a thought, sabby: i ask myself how important is it? in the big scheme of life most stuff just isn't that important.