oh...reading this made me cry...i've been thur, well, first started from 2-5 yrs old. maybe people have told you this, but i will and truly believe it, "damage goods" NO you did the most important thing, you SURVIVED. you are a survivor. that takes a lot of energy in and of itself. but you are doing something about it. your talking about it...very good step. and another thing (though it might not feel like it) your trying so hard...posting this communicates that) I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of...denied the childhood stuff until this year. and what happened to me when i was pregnant...used to hide in a closet for years around that time. but posting this is a important step. i am not taking away from your frustration or pain. but it helped me to have people to talk to: that didn't judge,understood the intense pain I've been thur, excepted me for who i was at that moment, believed my history and talked the same "language" i did. i know it's a HUGE risk. but if you can find a support group...it meant a lot to me. but, if it's to soon(soon is relative has nothing to do with when the abuse happened) I'm glad your talking about it on here. i can never understand exactly what you went thur. but it is a very brave thing to talk about it. i would say "good luck" but in this situation i think that can be thought of a cruel. but your not alone...my thoughts are with you and though this might be minuscule here's a huge please keep posting...it takes a lot of courage to just live with it