TRIGGER BIG TIME FOR ABUSE DETAILS






and I fall asleep...only to be awoken by a dream as if I was there again. Being forced. I don't want to go into detail..but forced orally and everything that entails.

I saw it as if i was watching but I also felt it all. I woke up screaming. And choking. And vomited immediately.

Where is this COMING FROM????

I have always had piss poor reactions but normally i go into little girl mode, my alters come out... now it seems like I am slammed with memories.

Why won't my friend just let me explain? My friend is going to think this is just me being foolish again. I just wish I could tell them but i also wish I did not tell them. I wish i hadn't trusted them enough to tell them. IT IS ALWAYS WRONG TO TRUST PEOPLE. I learn that more and more I wish i had never lived it and now i have to relive and relive and relive... it goes away for a couple years and then I tell someone but this time i told someone i would trust with my life because i THOUGHT they would understand. I thought they would listen. I thought for once in my life I could share it and be OK. I was wrong wrong wrong and I am always wrong it seems. Instead I am left cold and alone and in so much pain and living it in the dark and not beleived like ALWAYS.

Now I can't even sleep to escape it. What the hell do I have left?
He is winning, my fatherish thing is. He is winning making me lose everything.