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Ygrec23 · 01:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by billi_leli

My mood today says "b*t*c*. It's because I am really frustrated with the way people seem to be toward me and I don't know what it is or why. When I seem to make a friend anywhere, or think that I am finally connecting with someone, they LEAVE or stop talking to me! (emphasis supplied) I have been making it clear what I will and will not tolerate in relationships. when someone tells me they are going to do something, I now expect them to follow thru. When someone says I mean something to them, I expect them to act like it. (emphasis supplied) But it seems like they still don't do that. I try to be nice about it. I do. I just tell them how I feel, I don't attack them. But how do you get ppl to treat you right? To do that give and take thing? Billi

Dear Billi,

Two separate issues. In red, about losing "friends," in green about people not being consistent in their words and actions.

As to losing friends, the red language gives me the impression that you're talking about new "friends:" "When I seem to make a friend anywhere ..." and "or think that I am finally connecting with someone." So, if they're new friends, how can you be sure that they're good friends? It takes a reasonably long time to determine whether a person is a good friend. And even then you can't be sure. People do unexplained things, strange things. Even very strange things.

It doesn't matter how they dress, talk or live. They're like cats: very predictable in some respects, unpredictable in others. Haven't you ever had a sleeping cat suddenly jump a foot in the air and scream at the same time? People aren't too far from that. And people are always changing, sometimes getting closer, sometimes growing apart. So, with regard to relatively new friends, you still don't know what they're really like, and they still don't know what you're really like. You may be defining other people as friends before they have defined you the same way, regardless of what they say.

As for the green language, you think people ought to do what they say and act like they say. Hmmmm. You know the old saying, "talk is cheap?" That's why there's so much of it. Follow-through is a completely different kettle of fish. If you want, you can dump all your follow-through failures. There's nothing wrong with that. But it will substantially thin out not only the crowd of your friends but your family too. My own nearest and dearest are follow-through failures, which I've come to expect! I'm bowled over when somebody actually DOES what they say they would! In fact, if I dumped all my "follow-through failures," I think I'd be alone! Take care!