I'm so sorry that you are feeling so lonely. I understand having a strong desire to be in a relationship and seeking out unhealthy relationships. After my last relationship with a very immature guy who raised his low self esteem by putting me down, I decided that I wouldn't get into another relationship unless I was really sure about it. I still experience a lot of loneliness, but I fill it up by spending time with my friends and talking to you guys too now that I've joined this forum. Hope it's helping you to talk about it.