Ok I’ve read more papers o BPD, than all my homework I’ve had... But I still can’t understand it, which irritated the heck outta me...

I’ve been struggling with this for awhile now and I’m hoping I can find some help here... As long as I can remember, I’ve ALWAYS idealized one person for months at a time... I usually do it to female, it might because I’m a lesbian, but I have always done this to anyone I first meet... In the beginning ill say like oh she’s nice, funny, and kind of cute... But once I spend a little more time with someone, I'll become obsessed... Ill dream, fantasy, everything... And the I finally say that I like them, but since its 'weird' to like your own sex they usually end up never talking to me again.. Like one time... I met this girl in my class. I sat next to her, and soon figured out she was Japanese... I then started to talk to her in Japanese, since I knew the language... I became her best friend in less the a few days... I then thought 'I love her!' and I soon would flirt, and have sleepovers, and everything JUST to be near her... I then finally told her... And she never said anything to me... Because I was too flustered about what I did... I sent her small notes saying sorry and saying I didn’t mean it blah blah blah.. And THEN I would give her a random gift on st. Patrick’s day, and her birthday, and every other holiday... After awhile she became boring to me and it didn’t seem like she hated to talk to me so I shut her out of my life... Next I moved onto her friend, which was surprisingly a bisexual... I told her I liked her and that I wanted to just be friends right now... She agreed and we became INSEPRATABLE, but I soon tried doing stuff and yeah you know... But she incidentally got a boyfriend, and said she only wanted to be friends... (Too long so I’m just going to end there...)

WELL I’m tired of writing and you should get the idea... I also lie constantly to new friends, I have a VERY bad temper when it comes to boys, and I can’t stand to live without the person I’m idealizing at the moment... Until she hates me of course...

So I need help... Please?