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The hard part is that I am taking money from him. For some bills and for therapy. It's awful. I have fantasies about paying him back everything he's given me and being free, free, free. But the truth is, I just can't right now. What I would give to be able to work and not fall into the depression hole. But the last time I tried it I wound up in a bad place. NOt to say that I won't be working soon. I just can't do it yet. Some days I can't even get out of bed. But I don't know what is worse.  I don't want to have to take anything from him and his wife. Makes me feel miserable.
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You are right, that is a hard situation.
It's OK that you aren't able to work at this time--the important thing is, to do what will keep you on the healing path at this time.
would it maybe help in seeing the money your father gives you as a way of saying to you-- "I love you, you're my daughter"...? Some people are never helped by parents after they turn 18 and some not even before..... I know it's not what your soul needs but maybe, just maybe --you could try and hold on to that part as the love from your father?
is that a dumb idea?
...
I dont' know how you feel about that, I never had much help from parents... my dad never had any money-- he was a gambling addict till the day he died... and my mother spends every dime she ever has(she has severe impulse control issues)-- if she hasn't any, then she rationalizes her stealing
wish I could give you more help than I've given... just... not sure what else to say-- except -- believe in YOU and know that you are worth every penny and every hug you never got and every "that a girl, I'm so proud of you" that you never heard.
you're in my heart
fins