I'm finding my self struggling each day to put that fake smile on my face. It has been 5 years since my father's suicide. I had to take the car he died in and drive it away from my mom's house and he had the song (love me when I'm gone) playing on repeat. I lost it today when that song came on the radio today. it was like hitting a brick wall. my sister had thoughts of suicide the other month and I was able to convince her to admit herself into in-patient care given her situation. I know the odds of another member going through with suicide is greater. She continues to drink and not addressing her problems, that I have a very strong thought that once one of her problems explodes she will actually do something, just like dad. I have had to stand up as the youngest and be the guardian of our entire family since his death. the pressure has been huge and I'm beginning to break. losing my direction in life and struggling to get back on track. just wanting to beable to put on my real smile when I get out of bed.