I've been dealing with psychological issues since spring of 2003 and have been on numerous SSRI's, SNRI's, sedatives/hypnotics, drugs to treat anti-psychosis and the notorious sleep deprivation. Was discharged after 14.5 years of Naval service as a 1st Class Hospital Corpsman. And have been unemployed ever since. Seems to be a common thing now, being unemployed and struggling to make ends meet. I've been living with my parents since I was discharged. Looking for what ever work is out there. But it seems no body is hiring or I'm doing something wrong.

I've been dealing with serious sleep deprivation since late July of this year. I'm also 'mixed episode bipolar' (just diagnosed for a second time about a month ago) I was manic for a few weeks but up until the last two weeks I'm on the bottom of the roller coaster. No work means no income, red tape with unemployment and VA education money has yet to trickle in and disability money late next year will be awarded. And to add icing to the cake I found out last week that my ex-wife got remarried. Which proves from words spoken from my daughter. That she was screwing around with another man while I was stationed in Okinawa. Hence final separation and divorce. And the cherry on top, now I have child support services hounding me for more money that I cannot provide. And for anyone here who knows how the system works, it can screw up your taxes, credit, car seizure and eventually jail time. I have had a history of abusing hard liquor for long periods of time after the final separation and got to the point where I could not function during the work day so I sought help. Did admitted in the ICU for DETOX and did rehab.

With all that is going on, I got to the point where the stress, anxiety, lack of motivation, mental and physical exhaustion from chronic insomnia have taken their toll. I wanted to hit the bottle and just drown my suffering but I didn't. I felt I was about to loose it. I went to the E.R. today (general assessment, evaluation, play 20 questions, discharged) and they Rx'd me Ativan. I hope it helps for the next 18 hours before I go see my psychiatrist tomorrow afternoon.

It's been almost 2 hours now, I took 2mg. Feeling calm, racing thoughts are going through my mind but not bothering me at all really. Feeling relaxed and somewhat drowsy. Maybe I'll be able to sleep tonight for a change. That would be nice.