here's what I'm thinking. I laid in bed a long time last night and this morning thinking about this.

maybe...maybe it's time to quit T. Maybe I'll never learn to stand on my own until I don't have T to hold me up. It's like when you learn to ride a bike, at first someone is there to hold you up (if you're lucky) but to really learn to balance they have to let go and you have to pedal on your own.

Maybe I should quit now while I'm feeling sorta strong, because if it happens that I HAVE to quit T and I'm not in a good place, it will be devastating to me.

Maybe this is just my reaction to my T being out of town. Probably I'll change my mind before my session on Monday.

But...maybe. I can hear you all saying "go to T, talk to T about it, get some closure at least" but...I'm just thinking. This might be the time. I'm so scared of losing T when I need her and what that would do to my recovery. Maybe I need to leave on my terms and not anyone else's.

Maybe?