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Thanks everyone yet again. My ex messaged me last night for the first time since we had that huge argument and I told him to pee off.
Him re-appearing last night turned everything to s--t. I kept having flashbacks of things he did and what other's did, certain scars on my body made things worse. I felt awful for being horrible to him by saying bye and wanting nothing to do with him. I feel like a cold, heartless *****. I'm not saying I would ever go back to him or be friends with him cause I can't do that but...argh. I keep blaming myself and yes people sometimes do convince me otherwise but i'm fed up with always being the bad person.
I love someone now, yes I love Pete. Truley love him, the amount of feelings I have for him I didn't think was possible. He makes me incredibly happy but i'm scared to let him down. We have this connection that's incredible and I like the way things are going but I hate that my problems are still there. Last night for example, heaps of flashbacks and urges, the same urges I have today but a little stronger. The only time I am absoloutely happy is with Pete, well talking to him.
I'm fighting these urges alot because I don't want to let him down and let them win.
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