Quote:
Originally Posted by jexa
zoo, I think feeling strong enough to quit T is a really good thing, and when you do leave, it WILL be like riding a bike on your own. And I KNOW you can do it, when the time is right! You ARE strong enough to do it on your own. But zoo -- continuing T right now doesn't mean you're not strong. In fact, continuing T right now MEANS that you are being strong. You're not done with the narrative yet -- you're in the middle of the storm, zoo. There's another side, zoo. You ARE being strong, to be willing to go through the storm. But maybe T should stick around until you reach the shore?
|
ah, you're right, of course Jexa. I might feel okay right now, but that doesn't mean I don't have to finish processing the trauma.
It's my fear talking, mostly. Wanting to leave T on my own terms and not someone else's, not wanting to lose T when I still need her. I feel distant and separate from her right now and it's hard to think about plunging back into trauma work when she gets back.
But yes. I need to finish. I don't have to think or worry about next week right now, or some unknown future time when I don't have T any more. All I have to deal with is RIGHT NOW and right now I'm okay and I know I can survive without my T. I will hold onto knowing that when the storm starts up again.
My new meds are causing a lot of mood swings, and for me that's saying a LOT because I'm used to mercurial moods. I'm just holding on and waiting for everything to level out once we pinpoint the right dose for me.
__________________
She left pieces of her life behind her everywhere she went.
"It's easier to feel the sunlight without them," she said.
~Brian Andreas